Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of the spark
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me "Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down, the time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I'll follow you into the dark.
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of the spark
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me "Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down, the time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I'll follow you into the dark.
You're in a better place, yet you left me far behind. I know that you're never coming back. That hurts me the fucking most. You were like my second mother. I blame myself for not saying goodbye. Cancer. What the fuck kind of monster is that? You didn't deserve it. Then again, no one does. There are so many people out there, who want to die, who don't have the will to live, yet you did, and you fought for it everyday. In the end, I guess the monster was just too strong and powerful. You fought a good fight, and I looked up to you for how headstrong you were. No matter how much pain you were in, you were smiling. No matter how sick you were, you never gave up. I admired you for being so selfless. You are who I looked up to. You taught me to savor life and grasp it in my hands. I just wish I got to see you before you had to go. Fuck life. I love you, and you knew I did. You loved me, and I knew that too. I'm going to fucking miss you Auntie, I don't know how I'll go on without you.
11 comments:
Paperheart I am so sorry to hear about you aunt. I understand your pain. I lost my dad to cancer and some days the pain is as fresh as the day it happened. I am here if you need me. Love to you.
My dad died when I was out of the room. At first I hated that I wasn't there but then I realized that he knew I was always with him in spirit. Your aunt knows you loved her. Never forget that!
Paperheart, I am very sorry for your loss. You've got so much on your plate right now but I hope you can take some time for yourself. I'm very sorry.
I've been reading the rest of your blog, too, about how hard you are on yourself and how everyone is pairing up. I know that feeling, too. I didn't get a boyfriend till I was 17. I know you're aware it's not a necessity and it does not define who you are.
It's a rough time all around. Just remember you are a good person and there will be better days.
Paperheart, I'm so sorry to read about your Aunt and her losing her brave battle. She sounded like she had a lot of spirit and was a warm, selfless, caring woman. I'm so glad you shared a bond with such a special person that meant so much to you.
*hugs*
Make sure you can find a place where you can totally lose it. Scream, hit things, scream some more, sulk, pout, have temper tantrums, etc.
Keeping your anger and hurt bottled up will only make the worst of it linger for a long time to come.
Last bit of preachiness: Rather than fixate on the fact she's gone, focus instead on all the good, positive memories you have of her. Spend a little time being grateful life gave you the opportunity to know her.
I lost my grandfather to cancer and I know I will lose more relatives this way. I am sorry.
PH, I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say. You are going through such a hard time right now and just know that I am here for you, okay? Always.
Love you,
S&V20
PH, I have only just heard.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Send your good thoughts out to her.
You know I understand loss. Anytime you need to talk sweetie, I am here for you.
I love you sweetie.
No one hugs like you do.
xxxxxx
P.S. Sorry, words just don't seem enough.
PH,
I am so, so sorry. I wish I had been able to be here for you earlier.
It's so hard losing someone, and losing them to such a terrible disease. But, do remember that she will always be with you. It's not the same, I know. But she will always be with you in your heart, in everything you do, every choice you make, she'll be there to guide you. Remember that, okay? The love you had for her and her for you, it will always be there.
We'll be here if and when you need us. We'll try and help you the best way we can.
Lots of love, PH, to you and your family.
Hey Kiddo.
Come on by my place for some hugs or some quiet time. Feel free to drop your anger and sadness off there, I don't mind some mess in my house.
Big hugs kiddo, you're going to get through this.
-A
PH i am so very very sorry for your loss.
i am sure no words can really make you feel any better at this time but please know my thoughts are with you.
take care and make sure you don't bottle all those emotions up inside. it is good to let them go and cry and hold your loved ones.
*hugs* to you PH.
007
I am so sorry for your's and your family's loss. please know that you and your family and your aunty are in my thoughts.
you are a stronge person 007, you are wise and mature beyond your years and i know that you will be able to do whatever you want or put your mind to.
You know that i am here and there and even over there if ever you want to talk, you know where to get me :) so if you want to scream, vent, laugh, talk about memories or just tell me how you burnt your food and wet your pants, then thats ok you can and i will be here to listen to you and be your friend and your wifey.
fimmy
xsxx
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