life is great .

Life is full of heartache-
For those who did not know.

Some is good, some not so bad
Some will make you grow

For every day of heartache
You'll earn a little smile

And for every full-grown smile
You'll earn a lot of love
.

Another death .. ?

RIP Grandpa.
You were the last grandparent I had alive.
I hadn't seen you in a couple of years, but that does not change a thing.
I love you, and I know your in a better and safer place.

<3

take me with you ;i start to miss you

♥

It's been two months, one week, 18 hours, and 51 minutes since you left this world.

You'd think it'd get maybe just a little bit easier... but boy, was I wrong.

I was in your room not more than ten minutes ago, and I could still smell you, still feel you.

I miss him more than words can say, more than any one can imagine.

At times, I'm scared that I'm going to forget your smile, your laugh, your smell.. anything.

I am worried that I will forget you, and that scares me more than anything.

Last month I had a dream of my brother.

He was smiling, he was chubby, and looked good &healthy.

I knew I was dreaming and forced myself not to wake up.

I asked if he was doing alright and why he was in my dream.

He told me he was taken care of, and he told me not to worry about him.

The thing that really bugged me was not being able to hug him..

He wouldn't let me.

I know it was just a dream, not my reality, but it felt so real.

*sigh* Life is one tough ride to get through.

I am strong.

I am a fighter.

♥

!&$#(!*#&)!$

Your such a stupid fuck.
I really care about you and you don't get that.
I just lost someone really close to me in a car accident,
and then I get a text from you at 3 am telling me that you fucking fell asleep at the wheel??!
OBVIOUSLY, I will not be impressed and be mad, angry, upset, confused, and scared all in one..
I don't want to go through another funeral right now,
Especially not with you.
You'd think that seeing him laying lifeless in the hospital bed would knock some sense into you.

Words can't even describe how upset I am.
And now you're laying here beside me, safe and sound.
What if I lost you too?
I'd clearly go crazy.


I dont want to admit it or say it out loud,
But I think that I do love you...

wake me up when september ends

We may not have always gotten along, but you will always be my big brother. You always watched out for me when times got rough, and I hope you knew that I was always there for you. I don't think I ever said it enough, or showed you how much I cared, but I really really love you. I will always remember you and never forget you. Wherever you may be right now, I know that you are happy. I don't know how I'm going to live every day of my life without you in it. It's just weird. We talked about the possibility of death, and I know that you don't want us to worry. I know you would want me to move on, but it's just going to be hard. It wasn't your time, you had so much to live for. Your dreams were just coming true. I want to make you proud, I want to live my life to the fullest possible potential for you. Nothing could've prepared me for losing you, Troy. I love you, forever and always.



♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

drive me crazy

WOW.

That was a close fucking call! I never thought that realizing that I was just gaining weight would make today the happiest day of my life!

Happy belated Valentine's day!! I spent my first Valentines day with someone this year. Really, it's just an overrated commercial holiday, used as a ploy to dig deeper and deeper into societies wallets. Why I celebrated it this year.. I don't know. I just really like the guy. =) It's been almost 3 months between us, and I think it might be too early to say that I love him. My friend says that she can tell that I am 'falling in love' with him, but I don't know how or why. We fight constantly. We get under each others skin and drive each other nuts half the time. We fight, then make up. Over stupid things too. I don't want to get too close, I don't want to get hurt, I know this won't last forever. Maybe Johnny is right, maybe I am scared of commitment.

Second semester this year is a cake walk.

Geography- I already have 100% in that class, talk about easy.
Baking- my favorite past time, and I'm on all the chef's good side because I know what I'm doing. Grade 12 English- my one grade 12 class, and it's pretty much reading and doing comprehension questions. So far that class is slack.
Biology- pretty much the hardest class I have this semester. But I can do it. =)

I'm in the process of branching off and figuring out my life. Which to me means that I have to leave A&W soon. I love who I work with, that's how I met the boy after all, but I'm not going anywhere, and my checks are dwindling smaller and smaller. Is it greedy to feel like I deserve more? I'm also considering universities. Meaning I must step it up a notch in school. I'm going to work my fucking ass off for the next 16 months until graduation. I fucking need out of Winnipeg, out of my house.. I need my independence! So far the two paths I am considering are pastry chef or social work. Perhaps an addiction counselor? We'll see, I still have time, but it is running out ever so slowly..

oh baby, your so sweet

Full Life Update, The Paperheart Way.

So, I took a break from the computer, from blogging, for quite some time. Things in my life just weren't really going the way I would have liked them to be. The previous blog before this one, well, lets just say that I have tried my hardest to forget about what happened. My 'closest' friends and I just aren't as close, and that doesn't totally bug me. The ones that have stuck around have shown and proved that through thick and thin, they are true friends. For the past two months, I have not been to a guitar lesson, also I've barely picked up my guitar. The work load for the holidays has been HEAVY duty. I've been working 6-7 shifts a week, and the only nights I have off, I'd spend doing homework just so I could stay caught up in school. I considered dropping out of school, I'm not sure if I was serious about it or not, but the thought did cross my mind.

I've been trying to stay out of trouble.. and it's been working NOW, but in November.. that was another story. Right now, I'm 'seeing' this guy. I'm sure I've talked to some people on here about him. The 20 year old coworker? Things with him have been confusing. He told me that he liked me, when he was still with his girlfriend. I did not know what to say or do, so I just left it alone. Then he started to have girlfriend problems, and they broke up. Less then a week later, we're dating. I feel like it may have been my fault that they broke up. Things between us have actually been awesome, and I'm trying to make sense of how, for once, this fantastic guy who I like, likes me back. How is it possible that he can care about me, and watch out for me so much? I think he's just as much scared as I am for things to not work out, but we agreed to not get too serious because it's not really what either one of us are looking for right now. Did I mention he was 20? I'm 16, and he's 20. I know, it seems like it'd make things difficult, but it doesn't. He's not what you'd expect at all. He likes doing the things I do, and we've been just hanging out together, grabbing coffee, seeing movies, and lately we've been hanging out with my sister and niece.

I celebrated Christmas last night instead of today. Right now, it feels kind of weird and not like it's Christmas Day at all. My dad came over for dinner and to open presents. My niece was in her glory with all of her toys and clothes. She couldn't really open her gifts, so she smiled as she watched her Auntie and mommy open her gifts. Emily enjoyed playing with everything. I'm so happy that she enjoyed her first Christmas, even if she was cranky from all the excitement.

Anyways, that's all I can really think of right now. My eyes are sore from staring at the screen, and I believe I'm going to go eat some Rolo Ice Cream.

much love &hugs;;
- 007
<3